User blog:Charlie the Penguin/igloo.doc
I'm starting to think that Jay's stories are becoming funnier than mine... "In the beginning, there was only water. Well, there were those huge things called continents, but they all sucked. None of them were cold enough to sustain the life of a penguin (there was Antarctica, but it was ‘’’too’’’ cold). rsnail didn’t like that, and so he said, “Let there be light!” However, there already was light, so that didn’t make any sense. And so he created a small island in the middle of the sea, which he called… Club Penguin. When Club Penguin first started out, it was just a small island with a bunch of blobs that walked around on it. However, the blobs gradually evolved until they became the very first penguins. They soon developed superior intelligence and developed their own society. rsnail said, "I am your master, so you must bow down to me!!" "Bow down to you? Fat chance. Not as fat as you, but still pretty fat." rsnail was enraged. If the penguins wouldn’t respect him, then they weren’t fit to exist. And so that just like that, the entire island was turned to dust. He then proceeded to try again and recreate everythi-''" Charlie: Okay, this is bullcrap. Aunt Arctic: Oh really? Well this "bullcrap" just so happens to be our current bestseller. Charlie: Who is it written by? Aunt Arctic: Oh, you know, just the illuminati Charlie: What? Aunt Arctic: SO ANYWAYS… uh, what have you been up to lately? Charlie: *pays* Oh, I just came to buy the new igloo magazine. Aunt Arctic: You’re getting a new igloo? Charlie: Yep! I’m about to get two new roommates. Aunt Arctic: Cool! Uh, why? Charlie: Oh, I dunno, something about their igloos being seized by the American government and turned into NSA headquarters because they ran out of space, whatever that means. Aunt Arctic: I see. Charlie: So, did you ever get your pookies back from Sasquatch or were they still convinced that he was their master? Aunt Arctic: I never found them, but I wasn’t really looking for them either. I found a new way to mass-produce the Penguin Times! Charlie: *spins around to see Sasquatch quickly printing and stamping the newspaper sheets at the speed of light* So this is his community service, eh? Aunt Arctic: You could say that... ''Charlie bids Aunt Arctic farewell before waddling out of the Book Room, through the Coffee Shop, and into the Town Center. Aunt Arctic: So, how’s the newspaper coming? Sasquatch: MY PINGERS ARE CUMING OWT OF DERE SOCKETS Aunt Arctic: Oh, don’t worry, you’re halfway done! *pulls lever, turning the newspaper conveyor belt to “ludicrous speed”* Sasquatch: JUS KEEL MEH NOWWWWH Charlie: *sits at Coffee Table and sighs* I wonder what’s keeping them… *looks at opposite chair, which has something white sitting on it* H… Her-? *realizes it’s just a snow pile* Hm…. Assid: *puts arm around* Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way about him. Charlie: Ugh, who keeps rebuilding you?! Assid: AHHHH SECURITY COMPROMISED *self destructs in an explosion of donut holes* Charlie: *catches one in mouth without even moving and eats it* Hmm… *checks watch* Voice: *comes over Assid’s walkie-talkie* AGAIN?! Charlie: What the… *picks up and talks in Assid’s voice* Hello? Voice: Oh, I thought you blew up again. Look, I need you to teleport back, we’ve got new orders from Lord S- Male Penguin: Boo. Charlie: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH *shatters walkie-talkie and shoots fifty feet into the air, only to be caught by a large dragon* What the?! Dragon: *flies to ground and turns into female penguin* Surpise! Charlie: Gracie?! Did you get a new dragon form? Gracie: You bet! *turns into dragon again and breathes fire* Charlie: O.O Remind me not to get on your bad side... Male Penguin: Hey man, that was quite the jump. Charlie: Kris?! That was you? Kris: No, it was Lord Voldemort. Of course it was me! *pokes Charlie in the ribs* Charlie: *crosses arms* Soo funny. And to think that I was buying a new igloo just for you guys. Wingman: *randomly appears* Ahem! Charlie: *sighs* AND Wingman… Come to think of it, how many puffles do you guys own? Kris: ...Yeah, you’re gonna need a big backyard. Charlie: Well, I’m looking at our options… *sees igloo* Ooh, here we go! Is this enough elbow room for you guys? :P Gracie: Hm? *looks over shoulder* Ooh, nice! Kris: The ‘’Estate’’ igloo. I like the sound of that. Charlie: Should I get it? Wingman: *floats up* Heck yeah! Oh and btw SEASON 3 MOTHAFLU- One purchase later… Charlie: Here it is guys… Everyone is standing outside Charlie’s newly-bought estate igloo Rookie: *walks up* Hey guys! Wingman: 'Sup. Rookie: So this is your guys' new igloo? Charlie: Yep, we’re just about to check it out! Kris: *opens door* What the?! The Estate Igloo is only slightly bigger than the Basic Igloo Rookie: Um… nice estate… Gracie: And I thought the set of Jawn was tiny. Charlie: But… how, I… *glances back at picture in catalog and notices a small print* Small Print: Note- Picture is actual size Charlie: Well fudge. Jay: *peeks head in* Hey guys, um, nice igloo. Anyways… I’m not sure if this is important, but Sasquatch is at the Dojo. Kris: Wasn’t he in jail or something? Jay: He must’ve broke out. Wingman: Why are you pointing this out to us? Can’t you do anything about it? Jay: I was just told to tell you. Gracie: By whom? Jay: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, OF COURSE I’M JAY, NOT SOMEONE ELSE!! *disappears* Charlie: ...Well that was weird. Wingman: I guess we should go check that out? Charlie: *sighs* Yeah, sure. At the Dojo… Gracie: *creaks open door and pears into Dojo, which is pitch black* Hello…? ‘’The illuminated, flickering face of an animatronic grizzly bear appears and begins to play a music box-like rendition of the Toreador March* Gracie: *slams door shut and presses her back against it* I don’t think that’s Sasquatch! Kris: *gestures Gracie aside and opens door wide* Heh, I’m not afraid of some robotic teddy bea- Bear: *jumps out and screams like a small child* Kris: *slams door shut and boards it up* Let’s leave this one to Sensei. Everyone walks towards the stairs Wingman: Uh, guys, we may have to deal with this one whether we want to or not. Charlie: *turns around* Why? Wingman: Well… *is being levitated by a weird green mist* ...I don’t think this is supposed to happen. *is levitated over cliff* Oh crap. Charlie: Wingman! Hang on! *jumps off of cliff and grabs Wingman by his helmet, leaving them both dangling 1,000 feet in the air* Okay, I’ve had better ideas before... Kris: I gotcha Charlie! *jumps out and grabs Charlie’s feet, only to be pulled down himself* Dang it. Rookie: *stretches as far as he can and grabs Kris’ feet* Gotcha! *begins to walk back to pull them over but gets pushed by something* AHHHHH!!! ‘’Charlie, Wingman, Kris, and Rookie have become a floating chain’’ Gracie: Hmmm… aha! Guys! Swing this way! Charlie: *swings, trying to not let go of Wingman* Gracie: *turns into a pony, catches Rookies, feet, and pulls them all to safety* Kris: Why a pony? Gracie: Ponies are strong. I guess you could say I have a lot of… horsepower! *ba-dum-tsssss* What, nothing? Wingman: Where did that sound even come fro- OH GAWD IT’S GOT ME AGAIN Charlie: Oh no, it’s got all of us! Everyone is picked up by the green mist and thrown over the side of the cliff Wingman: BUT I NEVER GOT TO MURDER GLITTERPAAAAANTS Charlie: GRACIE, QUICK! DO THE DRAGON THING AGAIN! Gracie: I can’t! I only have a limited about of shapeshifting energ- "Everyone lands in the deep snow below, but don’t rise from it. A shadowed figure laughs from the top of the mountain and teleports away." To be continued... Wingman: *gets up* Wait, that's seriously how we're going to end this? Charlie: *sits up* I wanted to end it on a cliffhanger. Kris: *sits up* I thought you said once that you hated cliffhangers. Charlie: I do... Gracie: *sits up* Then why would you end it right here? Charlie: Well, for one thing I didn't want to make this episode too long since hole.doc was super long and the Christmas special's probably going to be super long as well. Rookie: *sits up* But doesn't this story take place in February? Charlie: Well, yeah, but only because I want the Christmas special to take place right before hole.doc so I can avoid any continuity errors. hole.doc takes place in January and I want there to be some distance between the events of Season 2 and Season 3. Rookie: I see... Wingman: This conversation has probably ruined the title, now less than half of the story is actually about an igloo. Charlie: Funny, because the next episode in the timeline will probably be more about homes than this. But forget I said anything, my human equivalent still needs to write that pointless message at the end of the post so I don't want to make this thing any longer than it already is. Everyone goes back to playing dead You know, maybe my penguin counterpart has a point, I don't really like writing these things any more than you like reading them. However, these are necessary for filling you in on any new changes in episode releases. The next special, the Christmas one, will be my last story of the year and bring Year One of penguinƨ.doc to a close. Season 3 will continue in January along with DROIDS, my new penguinƨ.doc-inspired comic series. I haven't figured out the exact release date, but let's just say that the sooner that this episode and the Christmas special (walrus.docx) meet their comment requirements (three comments telling their favorite parts for each), the sooner I will continue Season 3. If you actually read all of this, thank you (you guys are my favorites). -Charlie the Penguin: Don't just do something, stand there! 19:32, December 21, 2014 (UTC) Category:Blog posts